Author: jgardner

Be True to Yourself

 

The Customer is not always right!

 Guest Post by Ken Keis of

Consulting Resource Group

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Opinion: A view, judgment, or appraisal formed in the mind about a particular matter; belief stronger than impression and less strong than positive knowledge; a formal expression of judgment. 

Yes, there are times when our clients have concerns to which we need to respond, such as the package arrived damaged or later than we promised. In workshops during the height of the customer-service trend in the early ’90s, I actually taught that the customer is always right—but no longer.

Who has your ear? Who is providing you with feedback?

Several years ago during one of our Assessment Systems Certification Workshops, an individual shared that he did not like CRG’s leveraged affiliate business model. He was so upset that CRG would pay him a fee for his referrals, he asked for his money back on the session. He thought it was unprofessional to honor others with a referral fee.

Note: He was the only person to ask for a refund in over 10 years. His business has always struggled. He means well but he is not respected in the business community as competent businessperson. This is not a statement of judgment but, if I am going to seek counsel, it would be from individuals far wiser, more successful, and more experienced than I am.

Should I change CRG’s business model because of one contrary opinion among hundreds of positive ones? Of course not, but sadly, many people would.

Here’s another example.

One of my colleagues, a member of the National Speakers Association, had just completed a keynote address—1 of about 50 a year for which he is paid a significant sum—when an audience member approached him and started in on how she could help him with his speaking style.   If I wanted your opinion, I would have asked for it!

Is it possible that the speaker does not want to change his style? After all, his style is why the decision-maker paid him a significant amount to speak.

And why did that total stranger think it was appropriate to share her thoughts without asking permission?

It appears that almost everyone has an opinion, but few are qualified to provide one.

 

Have you changed your business model (or direction of your life) because of other people’s opinions?

What would your life or business look like if you changed it to fit everyone’s (in many cases, unsolicited) opinion? You certainly would not be living your purpose.

That is why the customer is not always right. People have issues and we want to do right by them, but we can’t own their stuff. The research shows that no matter how gifted a presenter you are, about 5% of any audience is not going to like you. Yes, we want everyone to like us, but that’s not going to happen.

 

About 15 years ago, I stopped using participant evaluation forms with a numeric 1-to-10 measuring format or any mention of the lunch and the facility. I found a high percentage of the group was more interested in complaining about the lunch than addressing the workshop content. The session was about sales, leadership, living on purpose, and so on. The lunch had nothing to do with behavioral transformation!

In one workshop, I got both these comments.

Best presentation on Sales that I’ve attended in my 20 years in this industry
Worst presentation I have ever attended
Whose opinion matters? Neither! In the end, you must feel comfortable in your own skin. That’s why Self-Worth is so important to our success. If we constantly change because of others’ opinions, we stand for nothing.

The “customer is not always right” mindset applies to all areas of our lives.

My point is this: No matter who you are or what you do, unsolicited opinions and comments will be offered. Many will have no merit and should be completely ignored. That includes “well-meaning” family members and friends who are judging the way you “should” run your life or business.

Unless the advisor has a track record of success in the exact area you need, why would you listen?

Here are some examples.

Someone who has no children tells you how to parent.
An individual who has had no success in investing tells you how to invest your money.
A career counselor who dislikes his or her job is counseling you on how to live your life on purpose.
A person who has never been successful in business tells you how you should run your company.
An average or below-average sales rep tells the sales superstar how to improve his/her sales performance.
A marketing specialist who is struggling for business themselves wants you to hire them.
An individual who has never supervised others tells you how to lead a team.
The list goes on…

In the end, you must live your own life and run your own business. Don’t let dysfunctional clients, individuals or uninformed family and friends inject their opinions into your space. Be respectful, but simply say No.

That’s why I stopped seminar evaluations altogether. The only feedback I need is from the decision-maker who invested in my session.

Unless you are one of my trusted advisors, I am not interested in your opinion about my presentations. After 23 years and 2500 presentations, I know myself. I have my own personal style and I am not going to change—nor should you—just because a minority did not like something.

Of course, there are some exceptions, such as feedback from individuals in authority at work and those you trust the most. Even then, make sure you are not being forced to be someone you are not—or expected to compromise your values in favor of another person.

I encourage everyone to stand in your personal and professional space with confidence. You can choose to seek wisdom from others but you must be watchful of the qualifications of your sources.

When you are confident and clear about who and what you are, others’ opinions will no longer impact you. You don’t need validation because you are secure in yourself. And negative feedback will not take you out.

Review the action steps to confirm possible items where you can improve and not let others drive your agenda in life.

 Action Steps
Your Customer is NOT Always Right!

  1. Are you completely clear about what is important to you, in all areas of your life? If not, what do you need to confirm?
  2. Have you allowed unsolicited opinions from customers or unqualified individuals to influence your life and business? If Yes, why have you allowed that to happen?
  3. What has listening to others’ ill-considered opinions cost you in terms of direction, confidence, and success?
  4. Decide this moment that you will not allow ignorant opinions into your personal or professional space. What do you need to change or shift to achieve that objective?
  5. The reality is that if you stand for anything, someone will disagree. If you never have anyone disagree with you, are you living authentically or are you simply trying to please others?
  6. Feedback is an important part of growth; proactively select your group of advisors to  make sure they have a proven track record of success in the area where you seek counsel. Make sure those individuals will tell you the truth—not just what you want to hear.
  7. Set an objective that you will take the necessary steps to mature to a level where the opinions of others do not matter.

To Know Thyself and keep Strong in face of others opinions

  1. To clairify your values and style, complete the CRG’s Values Preference Indicator (VPI) and
  2. the Personal Style Indicator (PSI) to get to know yourself better so you are less influenced by others.
  3. To understand how your level of self-worth is affecting your success, complete theSelf-Worth Inventory.
  4. To help you understand your tendencies and what is important to you, read Why Aren’t You More Like Me?“!

Your life or business is your own to live.

Until next time, keep Living On Purpose.


Ken Keis

For information on CRG Resources, please visit http://www.crgleader.com/home.

Interested in Ken Keis speaking at your event? 

 

Categories: Mindset Tags: Tags: , , , ,

Always Be Positive

Be  Awesome

 

Develop Positive Habits the Easy Way by Using Choice Bias

Choice bias is the reason why the same sandwich tastes better when you order it off a menu compared to when someone else picks it out for you. It’s also an effective tool for teaching yourself good habits.

Studies have shown that our preference for making our own choices can be used to reinforce learning.

Changes in brain activity make us more likely to repeat actions that lead to rewards. This is especially true when we’re in charge of the prizes. Learn how to use choice bias in your everyday life and get the results you want.

How to Use Choice Bias in General

1. Pick your own rewards. Use what you love and turn your virtuous actions into habits that will become ingrained in your character.

             You might be motivated by a special dessert or an extra hour of sleep on Sunday morning.

2. Be flexible. On the other hand, now you know that choice bias is basically an illusion.

            That gift certificate your boss is offering you for working on a holiday is just as valuable as the one you’d select for yourself.

3. Recognize your own power.

          Even if you feel powerless, there are choices available to you. You may be unable to change your circumstances, but you can change your response.

4. Limit your options.

           As much as we love choices and rewards, you can have too many of them. Trim your list down to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

5. Act quickly.

              Strengthen your lessons by acting quickly. It’s okay if you treat yourself to both a pedicure and a car wash. Prompt reinforcement helps your brain make more powerful associations.

6. Repeat and repeat.

               Forming new habits requires sustained effort. Fortunately, that means you’ll get to enjoy even more rewards.

How to Apply Choice Bias in Specific Situations

1. Step up your parenting.

          You may remember your mother asking if you wanted to eat your carrots and broccoli, or just your broccoli. Choice bias works with children as well as adults.

2. Advance your career.

           There may be long stretches of time between raises and promotions. Give yourself a pat on the back with fresh flowers or a new book each time you complete a training course.

3. Reinvigorate your business plans.

            Maintain your spirits if you’re struggling with starting a new business.  Give yourself a break occasionally. Show yourself a good time on a limited budget with free movies from your local library or a walk through the park.

4. Make housework more fun.

          Do you procrastinate when it comes to cleaning the toilet or mowing the lawn? You’ll start looking forward to your least favorite tasks when you know that there’s a reward afterwards.

5. Stick to your diet.

           Snacks are easier to resist when you have a variety of nutrient dense foods in your meal plan. Try vegetables from every color group to help you get all the required vitamins and minerals.

6. Quit smoking.

           Giving up tobacco is the most important health decision you can make. Studies show that multiple strategies can increase your chances of success. Wear your nicotine replacement patch and attend support groups while you entice yourself with attractive rewards for staying away from cigarettes.

7. Exercise regularly.

          Are you having a hard time talking yourself into climbing on the treadmill each afternoon? Your workouts will seem more pleasant if you alternate among yoga, running, and swimming.                           Variety is the key!

Channel the power of individual choice and make it work for you.

What could be better than strengthening positive habits while you reward yourself for making smart decisions?  

Subscribe to “The Business of At Home Business ” newsletter for postive reinforcement of your Awesomeness and tools and resources for your business plans.

Change

 

Change

 

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Change: The quality or power of inspiring belief; capacity for belief to make different in some particular way; alter; to make radically different; transform; to give a different position, course, or direction; to replace with another; to make a shift from one to another; switch; to undergo a modification; to become different; to pass from one phase to another.

Are You Ready and Willing to Change?

Awareness is just the beginning.

Next, we examine 2 more elements of Change:
Readiness and Willingness.

 

Readiness

 

In our Readiness and Willingness to Change© Model,
we define Readiness this way.

Readiness is the measure of a person’s ability to succeed in a given situation. It reflects and reveals how prepared and competent the person is to succeed before starting.

A person may be aware of a problem and yet does nothing about it. He sees the option of using round wheels but, for whatever reason, intentionally decides to keep his square wheels.

  • Is it possible that he does not know how to change wheels?
    Is he ill equipped in some way?

Areas to consider regarding Readiness for Change

Social: Does the person have the interpersonal skills required for change?
Intercultural: Does the person have the cultural knowledge to change?
Emotional: Does the person have the emotional strength to change?
Spiritual: Is the person ready to search for the meaning of life, the truth?
Mental: Is the person cognitively able to learn what is needed to effect change?
Education: Does the person have the education skills required for the change?
Physical: Is the person physically ready to go through the change process?
Special Skills: Does the person have the skills and training to successfully complete the responsibilities and tasks that are necessary for the change?
Style-Match: Does the individual’s Personal Style match the roles and responsibilities of the new situation?

Example
You have noticed a growth on your right knee. Tests confirm it is benign, but no doctor is available to operate for several weeks. But don’t worry; I have always been interested in medicine—I recall dissecting frogs in high school. I’ve never been to medical school but I’ve watched a lot of medical programs on TV and I have tools in my shop. Come over to my home on Saturday around 10 and we’ll get that growth taken off!

What is your confidence level in my ability (Readiness) to operate?
None, right? I don’t have the skills or the abilities to do it.
I am not ready to operate, even though I am willing.

We’ll return to Readiness shortly.

 

 

Willingness

 

The next element is Willingness, the measure of a person’s attitude and commitment toward success.

Areas to consider regarding Willingness to Change

Cooperating with others: Does the person work collaboratively as a team member?
Learning from others:            Does the person agree to let others teach him or her how to perform a task?
Helping others learn:            Does the person agree to teach others how to perform a task?
Accepting self and others: Does the person show affection and caring for self and others?
Being appreciated by others: Does the person let others show recognition and caring to him or her?
Being friends with others:           Does the person enjoy spending time with others?
Giving of self:          Does the person permit others to benefit from his or her experiences?
Being authentic: Does the person permit others to know his or her feelings, opinions, and beliefs?
Forgiving self and others: Does the person commit to solving conflicts?
Letting go of habits: Is the person willing to let go of what he or she has been doing—the status quo—and embrace new behavior that may be more acceptable to others?
Letting go of excuses: Is the person willing to stop using multiple reasons (excuses) for not participating in opportunities?

Example
Many years ago, I worked in sales as a dairy specialist for an agricultural company. My sales tripled in my first 3 years and I was the top sales performer. During that time, I became engaged. Although it was a long-distance relationship—I was living in Vancouver, BC, and the lady was in Brisbane, Australia—it was manageable. I was in love and successful in my work and I had even started a small business on the side.

Everything was grand…until Valentine’s Day. My fiancée called from Down Under to say she had accepted a better offer. I was devastated. I lost 15 pounds in 15 days—the fastest weight-loss program in the world, but not recommended.

My sales performance started to slide.

  • Did that have anything to do with my sales abilities? No. Because of my personal issues, my Willingness level had dropped.

If my sales manager had sent me to a sales-training refresher program on how to close the sale, would that have done any good? Not at all!

Ready and Willing Work Together

When we think of our success and the success of others in this life, we see we must be aware of our environment; we must be readyand willing to make the changes we seek or that others may be asking us to make.

Whether you work alone or with others, and things are not going well, is the lack of success a Readiness issue, a Willingnessissue, or a combination of both?

The CRG Readiness and Willingness to Change© Model will equip you to understand yourself and others better than ever before.

Do you recall times when people—perhaps you—were promoted into jobs or roles without the proper training? Worse, they had few abilities (Readiness) to fulfill the responsibilities and little interest in the new job (Willingness). Rather than being forthright about the situation, their fear or pride put them into a no-fly zone. Soon, no one was happy with their work performance.

Over time, a shift in willingness can take place in the workplace. Individuals who were energized and very productive in their roles can lose interest. Maybe they are disappointed to learn their job role is not what they expected; perhaps the job style required by the position doesn’t match their Personal Style. As a result, their willingness decreases.

When you think about the level of your success and the success of others, keep in mind the concept of Readiness and Willingness.

Ask yourself this question: Am I not succeeding because of a lack of Readiness (ability) or a lack Willingness (attitude) to change… or both?

To help you answer that question, here is a grid that can be applied to just about any situation. We all have what I call a Situational Readiness and Willingness to Change.

Four Development Levels (D-Levels)

D-Levels

1

2

3

4

 

Resistant

Reasonable

Responsible

Resourceful

Ready to Change

Not ready; unable to proceed

Ready to consider change, to think and talk about it

Ready to get involved and learn how and what to change

Ready to develop full potential and skills levels

Willing to Change

Not willing; insecure; fights help

Willing to listen to alternatives

Willing to take action now

Willing to help others develop

This information expands each D-level.

Level 1: Resistant

  • Is not ready or willing to change or succeed
  • Is self-focused, self-centered, self-destructive
  • Is uncooperative, noncompliant, disruptive of the team, unmotivated
  • Is unable and/or unskilled to perform
  • Is critical, verbally abusive; an accuser, a blamer
  • Is angry, argumentative, nontrusting
  • Is in denial; refuses to change; doesn’t think he
    or she needs to change

Level 2: Reasonable

  • Is somewhat ready and willing to learn, change, succeed
  • Is only ready and willing to think and talk about learning, changing, succeeding
  • Has a “What’s in it for me?” attitude
  • Is agreeable to negative feedback and change but
    behavior remains the same
  • Is motivated by others; a team follower
  • Is overcontrolling of self

Level 3: Responsible

  • Is ready and willing to learn, change, succeed
  • Is self-motivated to improve self, situations
  • Is cooperative; a team-player, a contributor
  • Is capable of performing responsibilities
  • Is verbally positive; an encourager, supportive
  • Is confident, assertive; respects self and others
  • Transforms potential into production
  • Is in control of self

Level 4: Resourceful

  • Is ready and willing to learn, change, and succeed
    AND help others do so
  • Personally functions at Level 3
  • Is driven by the vision of people-development
  • Motivates others to improve; inspirational
  • Is able to teach others the required skills and knowledge
    to succeed
  • Leads others from the present into the future; is honest
    and ethical
  • Is a professional leader in control AND helps others
    increase control of self

Keep in mind Level 4 infers you are not only Ready and Willing to succeed yourself, you are ready and willing to help others do the same. Leading others to success requires quite a different skillset. Unless you are able to teach and inspire others in their success, consider Level 3 as your target.

Until next time, keep Living On Purpose!

Ken Keis

How Ready and Willing are you to succeed?
Let’s find out.

 

To assess your willingness to change try the Willingness Quiz

Categories: Mindset Tags: Tags: ,

Be A Winner

 

Do You Have the Mindset of a Winner?

Consulting Resource Group

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Winner:    One who wins; one who is successful, especially through praiseworthy ability and hard work; a victor, especially in games and life

 

Are you a winner?


The answer is Yes—but only if you want to be!

 

  • Being a winner is a choice, not a condition of your circumstances.

 

In today’s turbulent times, many want to blame everyone else for their condition or situation. Admittedly, there is a lot of blame to go around in terms of corporate misconduct—but what does that mean for each of us?

At every moment, we can choose to let our circumstances shape our lives or we can shape our circumstances.

Winners don’t get hung up on what could have been. We are not into time travel yet. Worrying about the past is counterproductive.

Yes, others’ conduct has traumatized the global economic foundation. Regardless, we all need to own our space. Participating in a protest is not going to get you work or a career.

 

  • Winners take responsibility for the life they created.

 

I know it might difficult to assume responsibility for our condition but that is essential to a winner’s mindset. Last month during a documentary on the US financial/real estate meltdown, a reporter was interviewing owners and lenders. Not one person took any responsibility for our current mess.

One women had borrowed (been given is a better description) over $1.8 million in loans for multiple properties and she was in default. Her monthly income was $1500 per month. When she was asked by the reporter how she had contributed to the rocky financial situation in the US, she denied she had played any part in it. It was all the bank’s fault for lending her the money.

The loans officer at the bank blamed the mandate set by the executives to increase sales, no matter what! so he maintained his hands were clean!

The reality is, both are at fault.
To truly be winners, they both must take responsibility for the situation.

 

Winners know their purpose.

 

After I had conducted a recent seminar, an individual asked me what if he did not have a purpose and therefore did not know what he wanted? My response was that everyone has a purpose or calling. You just need to find out what it is.

Our life leaves clues. We must pay attention to the evidence.

When you are a true winner, you are living a fully engaged life. In our experience at CRG, that is achievable only when you are living your purpose.

Winners embrace that truth and seek to align their choices and their life accordingly.

 

Winners focus on what they want, not what they don’t want.

 

Dreams and hope are two of the most powerful concepts winners can embrace. The law of attraction is a real, working, nonnegotiable principle.

    • You can’t have wellness and health if you are always worried about sickness and injury.
    • You won’t have wealth if you are always worried about being broke.
    • You won’t find a job or a career if you keep thinking nobody will hire you.

Document exactly what you want! It is very difficult to attract unknown results. In fact, ambiguity will lead to confusion, not clarity.

Included in this step is that your language—the words coming out of your mouth—MUST reflect the outcome you desire . . . not the current situation you are in. What you put your attention on will increase. There simply is no way avoid that principle.

If you are broke, you won’t improve the situation by saying you have no money. That will just keep you in poverty.

If you are ill, talking about how sick you are will not improve your wellness. Norman Cousins proved that in his book, The Anatomy of an Illness.

If you say you can’t find a job and that comes to pass, don’t be surprised. Focus—think and speak—only about what you want!

 

Persistence is mandatory.

 

Winners realize setbacks are part of the winning process.

Never giving up is a requirement for winning. Last week at my son’s ball game, one of his team members missed catching an easy flyball. Then, instead of chasing after the ball, he quit trying. That resulted in two additional runs for the other team.

When Colonel Sanders of KFC fame first approached the marketplace with his secret recipe, he was rejected by over 60 restaurants. He resorted to sleeping in his car until he found success.

Winners keep going—no matter what.

 

Winners surround themselves with other winners.

 

As noted in many of our previous ezines (like last month, about toxic people), you take on the characteristics and values of the company and friends you keep. It’s difficult if not impossible to succeed or become a winner if you are hanging around with losers.

Whether you like it or not, the language and conduct of the people around you influence you. Choose to have supportive and successful mentors and friends.

You must take the position that it does not matter what others say.

You control your own destiny!

The reality is that many individuals don’t take responsibility for their own condition and they won’t be supportive of your goals and dreams, either. As a winner, don’t share your dreams with those types of people; they will try to talk you out of your future!

 

Choose winners for friends.

Winners own their space and take proactive action steps.
Here are a few for you to consider.

To help you on your journey of winning, I recommend several CRG resources. My 88-page workbook, My Source EXPERIENCE Journal™, will take you on a personal discovery of enlightenment and affirmation to increase your winning ways.

As building blocks, I also suggest the Values Preference Indicator,Self-Worth Inventory, Stress Indicator and Health Planner, and the Personal Style Indicator.

Follow these Action Steps and complete the recommended resources, to help you increase your confidence and your winning ways.

Action Steps

Do You Have the Mindset of a Winner?

    1. Being a winner is a choice. It has nothing to do with your circumstances. Are you choosing this very moment to be a winner? Your answer should be Yes!

 

    1. Take responsibility for your life and the condition of it. Have you done that? Would people say you take responsibility for your life and the condition it’s in? Are you happy with your answer to that question?

 

    1. Are you clear about your life purpose and calling? If not, get on with this step. Knowing who you are is critical to the winner’s mindset.

 

    1. Once you know who you are, do you know where you are going? Are your dreams and goals clear?

 

    1. Focus on what you want—not what you don’t want. You manifest what you think and talk about. It is nearly impossible to be a winner while worrying about all the things that can go wrong.

 

    1. Do people call you persistent? Winners never give up on their dreams or calling, no matter what. Often, the difference between losers and winners is the character trait of persistence.

 

    1. Do you surround yourself with other winners? You must avoid toxic people, as we discussed in last month’s ezine.

 

    1. Every person has a purpose

 

    1. Benchmark your current condition with assessments. 

 

 

  1. Yes, you are a winner. And, with a winner’s mindset, you will feel fulfilled and able to become fully engaged in your life . . . and contribute much to many!

Until next time, keep Living On Purpose!

Categories: Mindset Tags: Tags: , ,

Self Awareness

Self-Awareness: The Key to Transformation

Consulting Resource Group

 

biobox

 

 Awareness:   An awareness of one’s own personality or individuality.

 

Let me ask you this question.

If nothing changed in your life in the next 5 years, would that be okay?

I mean everything in your life—your health, your relationships, your friends, career, feelings of fulfillment, achievement, and so on.

Let’s move the calendar ahead 5 years.

  • You are the same person
  • The conditions in your life are the same as they are today

Is that okay?

For the majority of you, it would not be.

One definition of insanity is to continue to do the same things over and over and expect different results. If you want different results, you must change what you are doing and/or the way you are doing it.

Before you can act with purpose and direction, you must understand what you need to change and how to go about it.

When we are not self-aware about our own preferences, gifts, talents, and tendencies, it is impossible for us to act intentionally. If we are not aware, we are living life—day after day and year after year—oblivious to our thought patterns and beliefs.

All of us have met people who are completely unaware that their behavior and conduct are inappropriate. They have no clue that they are clueless.

A frequent traveler, I spot unawareness on every trip…

  • people who stop at the bottom of an UP escalator, staring into space, with no idea they are holding up the line of fellow travelers that is forming behind them, and
  • people who let their carry-on bags hit each seated person in the head as they make their way down the aisle.

In his book, Excuses Be Gone, Wayne Dyer said it well.

The reason why awareness of awareness is so powerful is that it immediately puts me in touch
with a dimension of myself that knows that: here in awareness, all things are possible.

Wayne went on to quote a Harvard Study that tracked 84 female room-attendants who were working in different hotels.

The women were divided into two groups.

  1. For the control group, it was business as usual.
  2. The second group was told that their work was “exercise.”
    • The control group experienced no improvements, despite engaging in the same physical activities as the second group.
    • The ladies who recognized their work as exercise experienced significant health benefits. In just 4 weeks, they dropped weight and lowered their blood pressure, body fat, and body mass index.

That study reveals that our attitude—which is linked to our awareness—can have profound effects on our well-being.

Awareness of our beliefs is one thing.

  • What about awareness of our style preferences and all the implications they have in every part of our daily lives?

A study conducted by Talent Smart discovered that less than 30% of the population has a solid understanding of their own style preferences.

About 70% of the population has no inkling of how they appear to and interact with others. They have little idea of their strengths and skills and without knowing what they are, they cannot implement them properly. The 70% who were oblivious about their Personal Style had considerably more difficultly handling stress and interpersonal relationships.

The study compared people’s levels of self-awareness to their ability to achieve the things they found most important in life.

  • Satisfaction with life increases dramatically when we are self-aware.
  • People who are self-aware are far more likely to reach their goals.
  • Aware individuals take time to first learn then understand their Personal Style so they can better respond to life’s challenges and opportunities.
  • Because they understand their situation and can identify the people that will help make them successful, they can more easily implement the right strategies.
  • They also understand their limitations and adjust their attitude and behavior accordingly, to minimize any negative impact.
  • They know what they really want; their awareness motivates them to take the best steps and actions to get where they want to be.

Self-awareness is so predominant to success, it transcends age, intelligence, education, profession, and job level. The Talent Smart study found that 83% of top performers are high in self-awareness—no matter the industry or profession, yet just 2% of low performers possess that critical skill.

The reality is that individuals who understand their style preferences and tendencies are much more likely to play to their strengths at work and home, limit the negative impact of their deficiencies, and get the results they desire.

When you become aware, you cease being a victim of your circumstances. You own your own space.

Awareness

In my younger years, I was not self-aware. During my first few months of college, I learned the power of self-awareness. It was my first time away from home and out of town and let’s say I let loose. I became boisterous and loud in an attempt to be the center of attention. My quest was to have people like me, but the outcome of my actions was the opposite: Oh, no! Here comes Ken!

About 3 months into my first semester, I had a chance to sit down and have a couple of drinks with one of the sharp girls in our dorm. Thirty minutes into our conversation, she said, “You are not a jerk after all. In fact, you are a really nice guy.”

In complete shock, I asked her what she meant.

“Ken, you are loud, sometimes obnoxious. You try way too hard. It really is quite irritating. But in this conversation today, you are calm, interesting, and focusing on our discussion.”

I was immature and unaware that my actions were driving people away, not bringing them closer.

You don’t have to be in college to be self-aware. When my son Tim was in Grade Eight, we started to coach him on the impact his Personal Style was having in his environment. We were creating self-awareness in him.

Tim’s style is active and verbal, contrary to the learning model in education that wants everyone to be compliant and quiet. A lot of tension had developed between my son and one of the younger, less experienced teachers. Her response to Tim’s verbal nature was to try to put tighter controls on him, which exasperated the situation. She was not aware, either.

We coached him to manage his verbal nature and tone it down a bit. We did not want to change who he was, but we wanted him to be aware that his verbal energy was disrupting the class. Less than a week later, he burst through our door at home, excited to tell us that class was going a lot better. I asked how he was achieving that excellent result. “Dad,” he said, “I learned how to shut up!”

Tim was so proud of his ability to manage the self, while being self-aware. If a 14-year-old can do that, anyone can.

Square Wheels

squarewheels
Used with permission by www.squarewheels.com

When you look at the image of the wagon with the square wheels, what do you see and think?

  • What do the square wheels represent as a metaphor for our lives—home and at work? Some might answer with words like struggle, difficult, inefficient, challenge, hard, toiling, stuck—even silly.
  • What about the people in behind the wagon? What do they see? Only the back of the wagon! What is their perspective on life and this situation? For sure, it’s limited.
  • What about the person pulling the wagon? What is he thinking and experiencing? Is he wondering if anyone will come along to help? He’s not looking back to see if there is any way to improve the situation.
  • And what about the round wheels inside the wagon? What do they represent? Do words like opportunity, improvement, easier way, upgrade, progress, a different way of doing things come to mind?

Some questions must be asked.

  • Why are they stuck—both the leader and the followers?
  • Why don’t they put the round wheels on the wagon or at least consider doing that?
  • How far away are the round wheels? The wheels are readily available but the leader and the followers are unaware of the opportunities.

Have you ever met someone who is dealing with a problem and the answer to his dilemma is obvious—right in front of his eyes—but he still doesn’t get it? The answer he seeks is right there but he can’t, or won’t, see it. He is completely oblivious to the opportunity.

I admit in the past to being quick to judge when individuals did not see the obvious. I now understand it was not obvious to them. Rather than standing in judgment, let’s move to helping and coaching people to see their prospects.

After more than 20 years of serving others in the field of personal and professional development, I see many situations like the one depicted in the second illustration below.

A caterpillar tractor is now pulling the square-wheeled wagon!

  • Here’s their thinking: Let’s commit ourselves 100% to our square wheels. Let’s take what has not been working and do it harder.

I see it every week in individuals, families, teams, organizations—even governments—that dedicate themselves to their square wheels. They embrace the certainty of misery rather than the misery of uncertainty.

If you look closely at the second illustration, you’ll notice that arrows are sticking out of the caterpillar driver’s back. The blind devotion to broken, unproductive habits causes pain to everyone concerned.

Square Wheels
Used with permission by www.squarewheels.com

So what about you?

  • Where in your life—as it pertains to personal and interpersonal effectiveness and career fulfillment—are you holding onto square wheels?
  • Where have you blindly—without conscious intention or awareness—stayed committed to your square wheels?

Here’s my challenge to you all…

Everyone has a few square wheels—myself included. Rather than protecting the status quo, I am encouraging you to start looking for and using round wheels. As you can see, the round wheels are within reach—if you choose to embrace change using new information.

We will provide round wheels for you in the Third Edition of Why Aren’t You More Like Me? If you find its message helpful, please share it with others. Assist them with their awareness and help them use round wheels for their journey along life’s path.

Be aware that to live a satisfying, fulfilled, and successful life, understanding your Personal Style and the styles of others is not an option. It is essential!

By completing the Personal Style Indicator, you will learn about your Personal Style preferences and patterns and the other factors that constantly influence your reality.

Self-awareness without action is not beneficial to anyone. Like anything else, if you don’t use it, you lose it. By exercising your knowledge, you have the opportunity to transform not only your life, but the lives of others along the way.

People really do want to live inspired lives, so get connected to your purpose and passion with these resources.

Categories: Mindset Tags: Tags: , ,

Credibility

Consulting Resource Group biobox

 

Credibility, a Cornerstone to Your Success

Here are four basic questions for you.

What is your definition of Credibility?
Who, in your opinion, has Credibility?
(What behaviors or character qualities influenced your decision?)
Who, in your opinion, does not have Credibility? (What behaviors or character qualities influenced your decision?)
Why should you care about Credibility?

 

First, What is Credibility?

Credibility is your reputation for being fair, open, compassionate, inspirational, positive, competent, honest, and trustworthy. It determines the level of respect you will receive. The fact is, if you don’t know a person and he or she doesn’t know you, there is zero credibility; no information is available to make a decision.

Reputation is established based on the behaviors you do and the behaviors you don’t do.

Whether you like it or not, all the people who know you have assigned a certain level of credibility to you. That’s the price you pay for showing up.

You cannot avoid people’s judgment unless you cease to interact with others—like Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away.

You have a credibility level with the people with whom you work and at the places where you are a purchaser or seller.

You have a credibility level with family, friends, and all others.

Whether you wanted to or not, you have established a level of credibility with just about every person with whom you have interacted.

While we judge our own credibility levels more by our intentions, others judge us almost totally by our actions. It is our behavior—what we actually do and don’t do—that builds credibility with people, not what we had hoped to do. Our good intentions and especially our verbal messages are valid only if they consistently match our behavior, and if our behavior also demonstrates respect toward others.

You may have a particular idea about yourself, but that doesn’t necessarily mean other people have the same idea about you. For instance, while the school bully may have a big reputation on campus, he does not have any credibility with the students. He isn’t liked, trusted, admired, or befriended. He may control situations and events, but he is lonely and will be deserted as soon as the students figure out how to get away from him. His actions destroy his credibility with the people he wants to follow him.

All too often, the same results occur for leaders at work and at home.

You might respond, “I don’t care about credibility with others.”

Okay, let’s address that.

What does Credibility do?

It determines the level of respect you will receive from others.

Note: Credibility is not about people liking you; it is about people respecting you. Keep that in mind as you review your credibility levels in your relationships.

What does Credibility measure?

It measures how trustworthy, honest, and reliable others think you are.

Note: Credibility is based on the perceptions of other people, not on your perceptions.

Where does Your Credibility exist?

It exists in other people’s minds, not in yours.

I personally dislike this truth, but credibility is lent to you from others. You cannot demand credibility from others or force them to think highly of you. Your credibility is in the mind of others; you must earn it by conducting yourself in a way that meets their needs, not yours.

Why should you care about Credibility?

Your credibility influences how much others will communicate to you, cooperate with you, learn from you, and be influenced by you and/or buy from you.

Unless you are part of a dictatorship, credibility means everything to your ongoing success.
Building your credibility means to intentionally increase your success and impact.
Discounting this fact, or being in denial of it, does not lessen the impact that your level of credibility is having in your life. You are simply operating without awareness or acceptance of a critical part of any success model.
Think about it. It takes weeks, months, and years to build credibility, yet you can lose it in a heartbeat. When I mention Wall Street or AIG, what thoughts do you have about credibility? What thoughts do you have about Disneyland? Credibility levels and opinions are unavoidable.

What makes Credibility increase and decrease?

If your behavior, as perceived by the others with whom you are interacting, is deemed to be appropriate for time, tasks, people, situations, and values, your credibility will increase. Behavior perceived as inappropriate for the same factors will make it decrease.

Each moment of interaction with others causes your credibility to go up, stay the same, or go down. And note that I mean behavior seen as appropriate or inappropriate by the other party, not by you.

Credibility applies equally to the sin of omission. We are being judged by what we don’t do as well as by what we do. It is our behavior—what we actually do and don’t do—that builds credibility with people . . . not what we had hoped to do.

Early in our marriage, my wife Brenda was coming home from teaching at our local college. It was late at night and I was sitting at the kitchen table reading the local paper. From my seat, I could see her arrive home. As she got out of the car with an armful of books, I waved and kept reading my paper, not thinking any more about it. When Brenda came in the front door, she was not happy with me (low credibility) because I did not do something, which of course was get up and open the door for her. You see, credibility—yours and mine—can change because of what we don’t do. Yes, I now get up and open doors!

Your success at developing credibility in different environments can vary from situation to situation. Your level of credibility may be very good at home but at work, it could be quite different. For instance, you may have many struggles as a teacher, a police officer, or an executive but you may get along really well within the family unit. Or just the opposite may occur; you may be highly esteemed at work and have problems at home.

The same could hold true for your levels of credibility in the many other roles you play in life—as a neighbor, board member, church member, and so forth. Some levels may be high while others are low.

The bottom line is that each one of us has to earn credibility by what we say and do.

Credibility has three levels.

Self
Others
Organizations

Self

I have mentioned interactions with others. We also have a level of internal credibility with ourselves. You have met individuals who are perfectly capable of fulfilling a task or a request but they actually discount their own worth (credibility) and suggest they are not competent or worthy enough to assume such a responsibility. I will reference this in the holistic factors section about credibility and self-worth levels.

Organization

In addition, every organization creates a level of credibility in the marketplace; there’s no avoiding it. Isn’t it wiser to establish and build your credibility than to destroy it? To build credibility, you must become aware of the way your actions are affecting others. That process will be outlined throughout the new edition of Why Aren’t You More Like Me?

Others

To intentionally increase or maintain credibility with others, we must be aware of what others need and want. Too often, our own point of view determines the way we will act in a situation. That is completely ineffective in building credibility, unless the wants and needs of others are identical to ours—which is highly unlikely.

One of the main factors influencing credibility levels is Personal Style.

Awareness of Personal Style helps us understand the impact we are having with others.

Special Twist on Credibility

It is important to acknowledge that it’s impossible to have high levels of credibility with everyone. That is not a reasonable expectation. In fact, it would be dysfunctional to try to please everyone. No matter what you do, some individuals will feel you are not credible. Some people, no matter what others do, are never satisfied.

In The Road Less Travelled, Scott Peck discusses the most difficult condition to treat—Character Disorder—where people blame everyone else. It is never their fault. Since they take no responsibility for their condition, or the impact of their behavior, why would they consider changing?! They are unaware and often unproductive individuals.

During one of my training sessions, one individual was constantly complaining about everything in the program. That is a rare occurrence but it does happen. We had just taught the section about credibility. The lady went on to state that nobody in the program was credible. She restated our teachings that credibility is based on the other person’s opinion and her opinion was that we all stunk.

At first we stayed in our professional mode, allowing her to express herself in the morning. By the afternoon, she was so disruptive and poisonous, I had to ask her to leave. So no matter how intentional you are to building good credibility with others, sometimes you just have to let it go.

We later learned that her co-workers did not care for her. She was able to keep her job because she was an expert in a special software program used in the organization. That is not a good reason to keep a toxic person, but they did.

The key is for each of us to build credibility—the best we can—and accept that for those with whom we have low credibility, we have done all we can.

A Study on Leadership Credibility

A few years ago, James Kouzes and Barry Posner conducted an indepth study on leadership credibility, which they published in their book Credibility. Through extensive research with large groups of employees from several well-known organizations, the authors identified the attributes that employees consider essential for leadership credibility. The research revealed four predominant qualities or characteristics.

1. Honesty: The Leader tells the truth and is behaviourally ethical.
2. Competence: Each Leader is capable and effective and gets things done.
3. Foresight: Leaders set and define vision and provide direction; they clearly know where they are going.
4. Ability to Inspire: Leaders connect team members’ personal and pprofessional purpose and passions to the vision of the organization and they show how individual contributions matter.
Those four qualities at the top of the list are simply non-negotiable if you want to have credibility in the workplace. Other qualities high on the list include being supportive, fair-minded, dependable, and courageous.

Personal Style Awareness, a Turning Point

The new edition of Why Aren’t You More Like Me? introduces a unique approach to building leadership or personal credibility by showing how understanding and the use of Personal Style preferences can help develop relationships. Regardless of any special abilities we may have, the way we conduct ourselves with others always influences our credibility with them.

By exploring Personal Style preferences, you will learn what the “needs” differences are and how to approach each particular set of needs so that others feel understood and appreciated. When your behavior as a leader or individual meets the needs of others, your credibility level rises; people begin to perceive you as someone who isn’t driven just by personal needs, with no consideration for others.

The awareness learned from understanding Personal Style differences is transforming. If you want to intentionally build credibility with others, you need knowledge of Personal Style—both your style and the style of others.

Categories: Mindset Tags: Tags: , ,